More Pleasure and Joy, Pls
Hello my friends,
It's been a while since I've written a blog post! Most of my writing prowess has been directed over to my email subscribers where we've been getting real. Today, though, on the day of commercialized love, I wanted to write about pleasure.
Not too long ago, I reached a point where I was feeling so creatively drained, I could hardly bring myself to continue on. I started to ask myself what I really wanted in life... the answer?
Waking up in the morning to a life devoid of joy, and pleasure, is difficult. In fact, it left me wanting to stay in bed. Just being honest.
Now, I'm of course familiar with pleasure. But for me, it's always had such a sexual connotation, and I’ll be honest in saying I never took responsibility for creating pleasure in my life.
"Ahh, yes, I deserve pleasure. Now give me pleasure, @ partner, lover, friend, parent, etc..."
And life gets good when you find someone else to meet your pleasure needs, right?
Lol yeah, no. Not really.
No one can breathe life back in to your dull, grey, numbed out experience for long.
Once you "get" what you've been chasing and go to hang it on a shelf, it disintegrates. You are ready to chase the next thing as long as you stay in this push, pull mindset of wanting what's outside of yourself to feel complete.
Let me give you my real life example. Maybe you’ll see elements of yourself in it.
I very much believed for the longest time that my life would start when I was married with children. Then, and only then, would love be solidified in my life. Then, I would be happy. I would have my deepest desires within reach.
I dated for years with this mentality. Every relationship ending in heartbreak.
Until, one didn't. It was perfect! Every negative story I had about myself was being re-written through the love I experienced with this partner.
And still, it wasn't enough. No matter how much love, support, and reassurance I had from my wonderful partner, I still felt empty when I was alone.
I was needy, controlling, vindictive, and even manipulative at times when I was not getting what I wanted.
Fortunately, I had moments of clarity telling me, "You know this isn't right..."
It was that inner voice coupled with my partner's patient encouragement that led me to another path.
Because I was supported through my mess, I was able to get my head above the unworthiness water long enough to believe in something better for myself.
And over time, love grew over some of my selfishness.
I recognized the need to truly, truly learn to love myself.
And that comes down to feeling deserving of love, joy, and pleasure in this moment.
Even when life isn’t perfect. Even when you haven’t achieved all your goals yet.
I realized that so much unhappiness came to me from not having the pleasure I needed.
I didn’t feel deserving, and kept waiting for that “someday”…
I’m re-writing that now.
As a feminine being, I have the gift of feeling pleasure deeply in my body.
I mean, look at the clitoris, right? Thousands of highly sensitive nerve endings all making way for endless waves of pleasure when approached properly.
There's no reason why we shouldn't embrace pleasure.
Unless you count the oppressive version of organized religions that tell us not to.
But I no longer live in shame or fear of "sin" for living fully in my body.
I welcome pleasure in to every moment of my life, knowing it is not solely sexual.
"It is our birthright to enjoy ourselves and find all the pleasure in our lives. Pleasure loves company and delights in being discovered. I frequently forget about pleasure. It is easy to become consumed by work and doing... where's the pleasure?" - Sark, Eat Mangoes Naked
The quote above comes from a book that chose me at a local bookstore. Published in 2001, it is a glorious, hand-written masterpiece about dancing with pleasure throughout our lives.
I highly recommend reading it, as well as the below resources for discovering your own definition of pleasure:
Eat Mangoes Naked, Carolyn Sark
Principles of Pleasure - Netflix docuseries
Adina Rivers' sex education
Pleasure Meditation by Toni Jones
I leave you with this for today, an invitation for reflection.
What brings you joy?
How will you do more of it?
Yours in love,